As children, we’re naturally curious—its how we grow and learn—but by the time we start school that sense of wonder starts to escape us. Perhaps the first shocking thing we learned about people watching.
We are all born with boundless curiosity, but as we grow older, a battle springs up between what is known as the anxious mind and the curious spirit.
Our instinct to explore people watching is tempered by our desire to conform. We stop asking questions because we learn that it makes us look stupid. We stop putting ourselves in positions where we are open to uncertainty — and therefore vulnerable.
Look for habits: Habits of Highly Successful People: Learn These Useful Traits
Here are a few things I look for to tell me about a person’s character while we are people watching:
What they do for follow up
After they say, they would do something. Following through is a sign of character, and if someone does not do something they say they would, it usually means that that person is not reliable.
Being good listeners
I have spent the majority of my life feeling as though I was on a clock: time began to tick the second I opened my mouth.
I have so rarely felt listened to like honestly, somebody cared what I had to say, and it has deeply affected the way that I now do speak even when somebody cares to listen.
I’m not talking about those that are too scared to speak up or those that have nothing to say so all they are left to do is listen. I am talking of those that have their own opinions— ones that may disagree with the speaker, but yet they listen, and they care.
These people are as a whole more mature, more wise, and more empathetic. They listen because they care to, and they care to because they understand that listening to others is the foundation of creating new and meaningful relationships.
The way they respond to things not going their way
When you get to know someone, you might not get to know them enough even if you go on several dinners, dates, and parties.
If you want to get to know someone, travel with them. Do you know why I say this? During a trip, there is a possibility of several things not going your way. It could mean anything right from a delayed flight, to them forgetting to pack something to you want to see a museum, and them thinking that it is drudgery.
So imagine this situation. You both are on an 8-hour flight with a layover post that to get to your final destination. Your 8-hour flight gets massively delayed, and you miss your next flight. There is no flight for the next 9 hours, and you’re extremely tired. Also, there is no option of getting a visa on arrival and check into the nearest hotel. The airport doesn’t have any hotels inside. So, in short, you have to find ways to relax in the airport and wait for the next flight.
Your travel partner will respond in 2 ways.
They hate their lives and are constantly whining.
They aren’t particularly happy about their situation, but they make the most of it. They look around for a lounge with sleeping pods, and worst case sleep on the seats till the next flight arrives.
Now, rest assured your travel partner will respond like #1 or #2 to different adversities that come their way. Of course, they could be having a particularly bad day. If you want to give them the benefit of the doubt, try putting them in another slightly inconvenient position. If they deal with it sportingly, then you know that it is a bad day. If not, you know the truth about them.
Additionally, when you get to know them, see how they react to personal failure or calamity. See how they react when they don’t get that promotion they thought they deserve, or when they fight with their best friend. Some people go into a shell, and some confide in you to feel better. Neither is right or wrong, it is the way they are conditioned, and this is a big cue incompatibility.
If you’re the person who vents, and needs company to feel better, then you’re better off with someone who feels similarly, or someone who goes into a shell but comes out of it equally quickly. If you’re someone who goes into a shell for a day or two, then you’d understand your partner better if he/she does the same.
People watching skills: actively enjoys good things now
Be about the present instead of scheming to create a better future.
Shows kindness
Show some kindness without expecting anything in return. If someone asks them what they can do, they tell them to pay it forward.
Share some fun with people they love
Forget about everything that feels like a problem and does something that seems like fun. Have fun spontaneously.
Keep their cool: Having a Bad Day … Do You Know How to Keep Cool in this Situation?
Serves someone else
Just because … just for them. That might mean helping them pursue their passion, or motivating them to reach their fitness goals. Whatever gives your life meaning, give it to someone freely.
What they complain about often
It’s usually something they cannot change in themselves.
Volunteers their time
Volunteer your time to help a charity they believe in. Put all their energy into helping others, and you will find peace of mind without looking.
How they treat service people
It’s true… I have seen ‘seemingly rich’ people – those who dress nice and look nice but treat people like crap. I cannot speak for themselves, and I usually cannot hang out with people like this as it unnerves me, but I think it is stemmed from their insecurity.
How often they change their minds
In my experience, it means the person is indecisive or has lack of their values, so they incessantly jump from one action to another opposing one.
Prioritize spending their money
How they treat themselves, how they take care, or not, of their bodies, minds, wellbeing.
First impressions
The kind of vibe they give off, the first time you meet him/her. The way a person makes you feel can tell a lot about him/her. Most of the times that is.
The kind of music he/she listens to
I don’t have to elaborate. Ask him/her to play his/her favorite track. You’ll understand the type of person he/she is by listening to his/her choice of songs. Again, it can tell a lot about a person. I feel that mainstream music enthusiasts are cancer.
Their philosophy about money
This may be the most important association I’ve ever made in my mind. Everybody doesn’t think about money in the same way as you do. A person’s inclination or repulsion towards wealth can, in turn, tell a lot about his/her views about the society.
Fights
What can you possibly know about yourself, if haven’t been in a fight? This may seem like very straightforward criteria but man, NOPE. A fight is a very complex thing; it is very deeply connected with what makes us human. I can’t list out all the possible markers for this trait cus it is very very random and subtle.
Philosophy
Surprisingly enough, most of the people don’t involve themselves in philosophy. I’ve often noticed that people who are inclined towards philosophy tend to be more thoughtful and smart. I’ve always enjoyed their company.
Fashion
Now, this is pretty straightforward. I once wore a hoodie to a party crawling with suits and skirts. Oh boy did I feel out of place? I like to think that I am a very i-don’t-give-a-damn person and many of my friends and adversaries think so too. Fashion sets a pretty strong statement doesn’t it?
Enemies
The more enemies a person has, the truer he is to himself. It points to high self-esteem and again, a very big ego. This criterion is so vast that under the right combination of traits, having a lot of enemies points to a very righteous person. Not everyone who has enemies is a horse’s ass, is he?
Command over emotions
This is very hard to determine as people do a very good job of concealing their emotions. Worst case scenario, you’re dealing with a sociopath/psychopath. Best case scenario, you’re dealing with a highly mannered person with a firm command over his/her emotions.
Gossiping or trash talking
If a person constantly gossips about others behind their backs, then he/she might do the same behind yours. This personality trait gives himself away, doesn’t he?
Talking a lot about himself/herself
Self-obsessed. Very proud. Usually very easy to spot.
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More reading on learning from Digital Spark Marketing’s Library:
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8 Presenter Mistakes That Are Rarely Made Twice
Know These Great Secrets of Collaboration and Co-Creation
How Good Is Your Learning from Failure?
Mike Schoultz is a digital marketing and customer service expert. With 48 years of business experience, he consults on and writes about topics to help improve the performance of the small business. Find him on G+, Facebook, Twitter, Digital Spark Marketing, and LinkedIn.