Here Are Tips to Help Find Your Stories

There are two ways we remember our experiences: attached to emotions or attached to imagery. Therefore, we need to use both to recount what we know.

Start by drawing a timeline of your career. Plot the significant events (work and personal) and jot down next to the events how you remember feeling: excited, angry, pumped, disappointed.

When an event springs to mind recount it out loud to yourself, or even better, tell it to someone. Avoid writing these recollections down verbatim. Just right some rough notes. Otherwise, the temptation is to recount the experience the way you’ve written it which will sound unnatural.

You should have 4 or 5 stories now. Let’s switch to visual queues to remember some more. Head over to flickr or iStockphoto and select 30 images at random. Look at each one and see if any experiences spring to mind. Again, recount them and jot down some rough notes.

One of the best ways to remember your own stories is to hear others. Find a couple of colleagues, friends and just get reminisced about the good old days. Make notes about any anecdote that springs to mind about your own experiences at work focusing on the ones that set you apart.

In fact you should always carry a story notebook to jot them down because they often creep up on you by surprise and I will guarantee you will forget it instantly if you don’t either write it down of have the opportunity to tell the story a couple of times.

Practicing and improving your stories

Your first retellings will tend to be rambling and, quite frankly, boring. The rambling nature of the story, however, is often reduced by telling the story to people and watching their response.

Getting feedback in the form of their response to your story (facial expressions, comments – nothing formal) will tell you what to keep and what to jettison. But you can do more.

You can increase the impact of any story in three ways:

be specific and avoid generalizations. Instead of saying, “I once worked for company that sold database software.” Say, “While the pre-sales manager at Oracle Systems …”

the story has to about a specific individual trying to achieve something, ideally with some obstacle that they eventually overcame. Avoid stories about companies, departments and even teams. Tell stories about people who have names.

Instead of saying, “In 2004 the risk assessment team was facing a problem …,” say “Charles Kleiner in risk assessment was facing a problem.” And of course you were instrumental in helping Charles overcome this obstacle.

help people visualize what’s happening. The best stories are ones that the listener can picture vividly in their mind’s eye. Instead of saying, “We drove up to the vineyard …,” say “We drove up to an adobe-style vineyard with acres of vines all around us …”

Every story we tell gives people an insight into who we are. They are quite revealing. So before you tell them to an interviewer it’s a good idea to tell your stories to a friend and ask them about the qualities they inferred about you based on the story. Is it resilience, courage, persistence, creativity etc.?

You will be surprised to find that a story which you thought, for example, was about persistence, comes across to the listener as arrogance. You will want to avoid those ones.

Speaking of things to avoid, no one wants to hear your life story. They can read that in your resume. They want to hear about the specific moments in your life where you made a difference. Use your stories.

Now you should have a dozen good stories to tell at the interview. Practice them whenever you can. In casual conversations, when the time is right, say something like, “Yes, that reminds me of …”

By practicing your stories in natural, conversational settings you will be in a better position to repeat your story in this natural way at the interview which will convey tremendous confidence.

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Secrets of Social Proof … Not What You Think

To put it simply:

“Social proof in a social media context is the theory that accounts that have high follower numbers are trusted and followed more often”

It can be used to build trust in a social media environment for your business.

Social proof marketing is not new but often forgotten.

Peer pressure

One of the earliest influences on human development is something we have all experienced…” peer pressure”. When one person within your group of peers pressures you into doing something, you’re not so likely to do it.

When many people within your peer group are pressuring you to do something, you’re much more likely to do it. This will escalate as more people join in.

The world of social media is, as you’d guess, much like the real world. In a social media context, social proof comes into play when web users see that a large number of people already follow, like, share, or commented on a piece of content. The increased activity is seen as something desirable to join in on.

What video are you more likely to watch?

Another view of social proof is the idea that people will refer to the past actions of others when they’re unsure as to what they should do. When on YouTube, if someone isn’t sure they should comment on a video or not, a large number of comments will say to them “Yes, you definitely should.” No, or few, comments will say “No, not worth your time.”

The search below was for “social media advice,” who are you more likely to watch when you look at viewer numbers?

Let’s take a look at a more practical setting that we’re all familiar with… television. TV shows have been using social proof for decades.

Watch a sitcom with canned laughter, or laugh tracks, in the background. When you hear those people laughing you’re more prone to laugh as well, increasing your enjoyment of the show and the chance that you’ll watch it more often.

Examples of social proof

There are a number of excellent examples of social proof on this blog. I’ll summarize them in point form so you can quickly expand your knowledge here before clicking over:

Facebook Sponsored stories rapidly increase exposure which leads to more likes, and even crossovers with other social platforms due to their recognition – even algorithms recognize social proof.
A key guest blog on a relevant website can increase sales better than an article in the New York Times, or a spot on CNN.
Klout is a successful social media tool that actually only measures your social proof.
Yelp’s entire design is centered around social proof – higher star ratings and better comments are a result of customer reviews. You’re more likely to go when more people have given it a high rating – just like peer pressure.
Bloggers have been promoting their number of subscribers for years. More subscribers = more trustworthy.
Endorsements on your website from major news outlets a HUGE social proof. If your blog says “appeared on CNN, ABC, PBS, The Washington Post” along the bottom, expect your social proof to increase dramatically.
Customer testimonials have been used in commercials for years. Some real, some fake – both are examples of social proof.

These are all more advanced forms of social proof. That most immediate one, and the one that people will see the most often and make the highest number of judgments on, is quite simply your follower numbers.

A low number of Twitter followers leads to few people taking you seriously. Few subscribers on YouTube leads to people thinking that your videos aren’t any good.

What aspects of social proof should you focus on for success?

We just spoke about your follower numbers as a key aspect of social proof, but what else do you need to think about?

Here are 5 points to consider:

1. Positive social proof is better than negative

Negative social proof is the type of bullying behavior that we all resent. To look at the most basic examples in the Twitter images below, which are you more likely to click on? You’ll never truly win people’s trust with negative social proof, just like those schoolyard bullies.

2. Money is less persuasive than social proof

A study in the Wall Street Journal showed that consumers were more likely to make decisions based on social proof than the potential of saving money.

The study, “Your neighbors are already doing it,” was more persuasive than “you’ll save $54/month” when it came to influencing consumer behavior!

3. Use pictures to make your social proof real

Social media is the perfect platform for building social proof as it gives you a nearly limitless number of ways to attach pictures to your social proof. You can post photos with calls to action that breed comments that lead to social trust. You can take comments, with the author’s permission, and post them to your website along with their photo. Your blog posts can be filled with images of success enjoyed by your products or services.

Check out this excellent tweet that shows a brand with a story to tell, and with a picture added for visual impact:

4. Your best social proof may be the stories you tell

Statistics are great for bored, sorry, board meetings, but they are hardly ever going to truly interest people on social media. A compelling story, from a customer with a positive experience, could be positive social proof that increases engagement more than any other thing you do. People understand stories, people relate to stories, and people are entertained by stories – statistics works and are often ignored.

For bonus points, get one of your customers to shoot a video:

5. Influencers: The friendly online bullies

As discussed in the point form notes above, nothing quite equals the positivity of having a respected leader say something positive about your products or services. Their behavior is able to “bully” their users with their positive influence. They’re much more likely to trust your product when someone they trust speaks of it positively.

Social media is an absolute dream for this type of social proof – no more paying celebrities for an expensive commercial, just cut right to the key influencers in your industry!

Social proof is more than an ego

Social proof is something as old as the human race itself, but social signals and social media have made it something tangible for modern marketers to use. Remember the next time you make a push to increase your followers that you’re not stroking your own ego, you’re trying to show the next person that finds your account that you are worth their time and trust.

Speech on Kindness: Anatomy of an Awesome One on Kindness

Do you like to hear a great speech occasionally? A short one on a meaningful topic. Here is an awesome commencement speech on kindness. A short one on a very meaningful topic by George Saunders, an American writer of short stories, essays, novellas, and children’s books and a Professor at Syracuse University.

Changing the way you look at kindness can change your thinking of kindness.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

Wayne Dyer

Related: How to Give a Smashingly Enjoyable and Compelling Speech

With his gentle wisdom and disarming warmth, Saunders manages to dissolve some of our most deeply ingrained thinking on kindness. Let’s look at how he does this:

Lead in that sets the stage and enlightens the audience that the speaker doesn’t like ego and appreciates a little humor.

I like this opening, as the ego is one of my ‘hot buttons.’ And a little humor without telling a joke is a great way to break the ice.

Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is: Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life, has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me), gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them (that would be you). …

What is the topic about … the question of regrets. Good topic for a young audience starting out in life, yes?

There is no such thing as a life without any regrets. However, regrets can become either burden that interferes with your present happiness and restricts your future, or motivation to move forward. Capture the motivation.

Now, one useful thing you can do with an old person, in addition to borrowing money from them, or asking them to do one of their old-time “dances,” so you can watch, while laughing, is ask: “Looking back, what do you regret?” And they’ll tell you. Sometimes, as you know, they’ll tell you even if you haven’t asked. Sometimes, even when you’ve specifically requested they not tell you, they’ll tell you.

small kindness speeches — Small kindness speeches.

So: What do I regret? Being poor from time to time? Not really. Working terrible jobs, like “knuckle-puller in a slaughterhouse?” (And don’t even ASK what that entails.) No. I don’t regret that. …

Do I regret the occasional humiliation? Like once, playing hockey in front of a big crowd, including this girl I liked, I somehow managed, while falling and emitting this weird whooping noise, to score on my goalie, while also sending my stick flying into the crowd, nearly hitting that girl? No. I don’t even regret that.

The main body of the speech opens with a personal story from Saunders.

Stories are the age-old way to share our experience. Stories enlighten, entertain, inspire, and move us to action.

But here’s something I do regret:

In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be “ELLEN.” ELLEN was small, shy. She wore these blue cat’s eyeglasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.

So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased (“Your hair taste good?” — that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she’d look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear. After a while she’d drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: “How was your day, sweetie?” and she’d say, “Oh, fine.” And her mother would say, “Making any friends?” and she’d go, “Sure, lots.”

Sometimes I’d see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then — they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.

One day she was there, the next day she wasn’t.

End of story.

The heart of the question why?

Now, why do I regret that? Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about it? About most of the other kids, I was pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still. It bothers me.

So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. …

It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than Try to be kinder.

Now, the million-dollar question: What’s our problem? Why aren’t we kinder?

Here’s what I think:

The motivation.

Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are:

(1) we’re central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really);

(2) We’re separate from the universe (there’s the US and then, out there, all that other junk … and

(3) we’re permanent (death is real, o.k., sure – for you, but not for me).

Now, we don’t believe these things – intellectually we know better – but we believe them viscerally, and live by them. They cause us to prioritize our needs over the needs of others, even though what we want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what’s happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.

The heart of the question of how?

Kindness means you are concerned about other people. Kind people think about other person’s feelings and not just their own. They are always looking for ways to help people in need.

So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc.?

Well, yes, good question. …

So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter. …

Because of kindness, it turns out, is hard — it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include . . . Well, everything.

The motivation

What Saunders does to motivate his audience. Are you influenced?

One thing in our favor: some of this “becoming kinder” happens naturally, with age. It might be a simple matter of attrition: as we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish — how illogical. We come to love other people and are thereby counter-instructed in our centrality.

We get our butts kicked by real life, and people come to our defense, and help us, and we learn that we’re not separate, and don’t want to be. We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are gradually convinced that maybe we too will drop away (someday, a long time from now). Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving. I think this is true. …

The conclusion and take away

What Saunders wants you to remember the most

And so, a prediction and my heartfelt wish for you: as you get older, your self will diminish, and you will grow in love. LOVE will gradually replace YOU. If you have kids, that will be a huge moment in your process of self-diminishment.

You really don’t care what happens to YOU, as long as they benefit. That’s one reason your parents are so proud and happy today. One of their fondest dreams has come true: you have accomplished something difficult and tangible that has enlarged you as a person and will make your life better, from here on in, forever.

Congratulations, by the way. …

And this is O.K. If we’re going to become kinder, that process has to include taking ourselves seriously — as doers, as accomplishers, as dreamers. We have to do that, to be our best selves.

Still, accomplishment is unreliable. “Succeeding,” whatever that might mean to you, is hard, and the need to do so constantly renews itself. Success is like a mountain that keeps growing ahead of you as you hike it. There’s the very real danger that “succeeding” will take up your whole life, while the big questions go untended.

So, quick, end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving:

Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now. There’s a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness …

Do all the other things, the ambitious things — travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) –

but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. …

And someday, in 80 years, when you’re 100, and I’m 134, and we’re both so kind and loving we’re nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been. I hope you will say: It has been so wonderful.

Congratulations, Class of 2013.

I wish you great happiness, all the luck in the world, and a beautiful summer.

It would have been great to been at the Syracuse Commencement for the class of 2013. A very simple yet creative speech with lots of meaning and value.

Very well done George Saunders.

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Mike Schoultz is a digital marketing and customer service expert. With 48 years of business experience, he consults on and writes about topics to help improve the performance of small business. Find him on G+, Facebook, Twitter, Digital Spark Marketing, and LinkedIn.

Social proof is a concept that is as old as time. It has just begun to gain traction amongst online marketers as it explains a lot about the success of some online ventures and the failure of others.