NFL superstar Deion Sanders, known for his bling and flashy suits, likes to say, “Look good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, they pay good.” He knew that pauses can help.
On the face of it, wearing a custom-made suit off the field shouldn’t make a player catch a football better when he’s on it. What Sanders really was talking about was confidence. Anyone making it into the NFL has the ability, but a loss of confidence could neutralize it. Of all the factors (look, feel, play, and pay), looking good is the easiest to control. Addressing that can create an upward spiral of confidence. When you look good, it affects how you feel and . . . you know the rest.
Don’t dismiss these as inconsequential window dressing compared to the content of the message. Not only are they vital for effectively transmitting your message and holding attention, but (and just as important) they’ll help you feel more confident. Sound good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, they pay good. Sound good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, they pay good.
“So, Mike, of all the things you teach, what’s the number one thing you tell executives?” I said, “That’s easy. It’s . . .” and I paused, waiting as each pair of eyes shifted away from their notes and up at me. “It’s pauses.”
Pauses are magical. The longer I speak professionally, the better I understand just how powerful and versatile they are. They are one of the most undervalued skills any speaker can develop. Pauses
• . . . create time to think.
• . . . cause people to mentally lean in.
• . . . allow space for people to respond.
• . . . decimate filler words (um, ah, er, and the like).
• . . . make you sound more confident.
• . . . demonstrate mastery and control.
There are three types of pauses: (1) the thinking pause, (2) the question pause, and (3) the interest pause.
- The Thinking Pause exists In our mental and verbal tracks—your brain is always running in the background and trying to figure out the exact thing to say, how to structure it, and which word to use. Your brain is fast but not instantaneous. Pauses are essential for accessing its repertoire of words and linking together your chain of thoughts. The problem is that “nature abhors a vacuum.” Meaning, in this case, that (if you’re like most people) you’re intuitively uncomfortable with the silence created by pauses, so you fill it with the aptly named “filler.” There are three different types of fillers, listed here in order of increasing distraction.
a. Elongated Words Just what it sounds like, this means drawing out a word to fill the silence as you mentally develop your next thought. These aren’t too distracting, providing they aren’t drawn out comically long.
b. Stammer Stammering happens as a speaker tries to come up with the next thought and bridges the gap between thoughts by re-re-repeating p-parts of what they are saying. This should not be confused with the speech disorder known as stuttering; instead, stammering is a habit developed as a coping mechanism to fill in spaces between thoughts.
c. Extra Words This is simply adding extra, unnecessary words. Two common examples are “like” and “just”. They don’t add anything to the point but attempt to fill in empty space. I once heard an old missionary say “Father” about twenty times in a five-minute blessing over dinner. Transition words are also common offenders: “so,” “also,” “okay,” “as I was saying,” “that is to say.” I listened to one politician who said “however” at the beginning of nearly every sentence. One mark of an experienced speaker is knowing when to pause, so the audience can process and internalize what’s been said. Remember: A speech isn’t like a book. Your audience can’t go back and “reread” something that requires extra thought.
Now, think about a host getting ready to announce the final results. He doesn’t rush through but skillfully increases anticipation through pauses. The producers pull it out even longer with carefully timed commercial breaks. You know how it goes: You’re waiting on the edge of your seat, his finally start to move, and then the theme music plays over his voice, and you throw something at the TV. You knew it was coming, but it still gets you.
Skillful speakers know how to use pauses to increase anticipation. This could almost be called a dramatic pause because you are being dramatic. Used correctly, it can add interests to almost anything—even financial reports: “Last quarter was great . . .” [pause, pause some more. Eyes begin to focus on you] “. . . and this quarter was even better.”
Obviously, you want to use the Interest Pause strategically. Long pauses followed by something not worth waiting for will get you parodied at the company Christmas party. Consider using it for:
• Key transitions,
• Significant points,
• Before or after statements that resonate emotionally, or
• Before your conclusion. Skillful speakers know how to use pauses to increase anticipation. There’s a next-level version of this, inspired by my favorite story about the Dalai Lama. He was running late for a speaking engagement but wanted to find a way to honor the audience and connect with them. He walked in without saying a word and, one by one, silently greeted each person with eye contact and a smile.
He did more than connect—he created intense anticipation for his speech. I tried a similar strategy when I spoke to a room of professionals and found that, because of the anticipation I built, I was able to shorten my planned introduction and get into the meat of what I was saying.
But, again, this is a “next-level” skill because it requires great confidence. If you feel awkward, the audience will as well. And use it very sparingly. If even one person in a group has seen you do it twice, it may feel very insincere.
Awareness and Practice First, practice by reading aloud from a book and finding places to use all three types of pauses (Thinking, Response, and Interest). Experiment by moving pauses to different places and get a feel for how meaning changes. Second, use what you just learned to find strategic places to pause in your next presentation and literally write “PAUSE” in your notes. Finally, build awareness by recording that presentation and observing what worked and what didn’t.
Don’t be embarrassed by what didn’t work—just learn from it. Do you like your voice? Do you find that people frequently ask you to repeat yourself?